


They'll never see me frown

by kilala2tail



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Gen, Introspection, One Shot, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 12:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13235826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilala2tail/pseuds/kilala2tail
Summary: It was easy to fake a smile. All it took was a little practice. Some time spent looking in the mirror, learning how to make it look natural. And then figuring out how to put it to use in the world at large.





	They'll never see me frown

She was always smiling. As she walked to class. As she went to clubs. As she volunteered.

 As she spoke to others.

 

_Did they ever hear her words?_

 

It was easy to fake a smile. All it took was a little practice. Some time spent looking in the mirror, learning how to make it look natural. And then figuring out how to put it to use in the world at large.

It wasn't a hard habit to pick up, once you put some time in.

 

_She was always smiling._

 

Her daily dressing routine was simple enough.

Dress pulled over her head and smoothed down, shoes slipped on over painted toenails.

Hair pulled up and settled, a touch of makeup around her eyes.

A little lip balm applied to soft lips.

A bright smile filled with teeth, a happy look.

 

_Maybe one day she could fool herself, too._

 

Evan Hansen’s arm was in a cast the first day.

She smiled as she greeted him, relating a story about her grandmother before rushing to her next task.

He gave a nervous smile back.

 

_How’d you break your arm, Evan?_

 

Jared Kleinman was running his mouth again, loud and obnoxious as if to be heard over the crowd.

She tried to keep smiling she shook her head and wished he would stop.

He smiled as if he had nothing to hide.

 

_Did he ever make a sound?_

 

Connor Murphy carried the smell of smoke on him.

She struggled to smile as she wondered how someone so clever allowed himself to fall so far.

He gave a weak, broken hint of a smile to her.

 

_A boy found in the park, pill bottle near._

 

Zoe Murphy helped a nervous, injured boy off the ground with a strange sort of understanding.

She smiled as she saw from across the hallway, trying to understand how siblings could be so different.

She smiled as if the world was shining.

 

_Was she lonely, her brother far from her reach?_

 

The school around her was alive with movement, filled with people happy to be back. People smiled. People laughed. People talked.

 

_Did anyone listen, though?_

_Was anyone heard?_

 

She smiled as she made her way past the students and teachers around her on the way to class.

 

_Unnoticed, unknown._

 

She knew none of it was real, that none of it even mattered in the end. She knew she had to keep the ruse up, though, for as long as everyone around her did.

Alana Beck smiled.

Everyone she knew was fake happy, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah... I fucking miss my desktop. I picked out a mechanical keyboard that's now just collecting dust. Sigh. And wow I hate typing stories on a phone. I applaud those who do this on a normal basis. Like. What is formatting on a cell phone?
> 
> My whining aside.
> 
> Alana seems very much the sort to fake a smile, doesn't she?
> 
> (Side note- this is 100% inspired by "[Fake Happy](https://youtu.be/w8vsuOXZBXc)" and it is the best track on After Laughter. My 24 year old emo ass will fight you on this.)
> 
> Hope the first of the year has gone well for you. Until next time, happy reading.


End file.
